This past week was a hard one and finally, I just took too much and I snapped.
Wednesday morning I got a little grumpy just getting out of bed. Every person who talked to me seemed to have bad news for me. Then a sad song on the radio tipped me over the edge, I cried sitting in my car in the parking lot. I put myself together and went in to work.
Work was rough and since I was already teetering on the edge I spent half my day fighting off crying. I failed more than a few times. It wasn’t that the work things were bad, I was just sitting right on the edge of a full blown panic attack. Every mountain became a mole hill.
I used more Xanax in one day than I have had to in months. When I’ve needed them one has sufficed, I took 4 of them on Wednesday. I probably needed more but I needed to function.
I went and taught Sentao for the first time in months and then when I left the studio everything went to shit. I cried from the time I got home until the time I went to bed. It was awful. I was certain nothing would ever be okay again.
My whole face was red and blotchy and raw from sobbing like a child for hours on end. I did finally manage to sleep, but I tossed and turned like a crazy woman.
Thursday was a way better day but I still needed a Xanax to calm my nerves.
This weekend I’ve been Xanax free but there may have been a good bit of beer consumed in its place. I’ve been, for lack of a better word, hiding. Me and my kitties and my couch. Reading books and playing puzzle games and watching all of the American Ninja Warrior.
What drives me even crazier than I normally am is not being able to logic out why this happened. Yes, there’s stress in my life but last week was no different than other week. Same annoyances, same work issues, same hectic schedule – but it finally broke me. Now, I’m fine… And I will be for a while… But when the dams break they break hard. I hate it. Hate.
I think if it hadn’t been for my workout schedule I think I would have lost it much earlier.
Monday – RIPPED, Zumba
Tuesday – Pound, Zumba
Wednesday – Zumba Sentao
Thursday – BodyFlow, House Party Fitness
Friday – Rest
Saturday – Zumba, PowerHour class demo
Sunday – Rest
My studio schedule changes quite a bit this coming month too! Adding Friday nights back in, changing up classes a bit and Thursday night BodyFlow is now a class Jackie has designed that adds 30 minutes of Insanity with 30 minutes of yoga flow. It is brutal… But I like how it challenges me. I’ll miss my Thursday night BodyFlow though! I also now teach every Wednesday which means I’ll probably wind up doing all three classes that night. We shall see!