Ways I’m older than my age and am ok with it.

1. When given the chance 7pm is the perfect bed time.
2. My bedside table includes a jar of icy-hot, achy foot cream, ibuprofen, a hot/cold rice pillow and heel/cracked elbow creams. All of which get used every night.
3. I have a collection of foam rollers and yoga props next to my bed so my plantar fasciitis and sciatic nerve pain can be handled when I first get up in the morning. Or before bed.
4. An exciting shopping trip is getting to hit Sam’s Club for glucosamine, loratadine, flaxseed oil and Muscle Milk on the cheap!
5. Doing a crossword puzzle is my greatest bedtime pleasure.

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And then there was the day I snapped…

This past week was a hard one and finally, I just took too much and I snapped.

Wednesday morning I got a little grumpy just getting out of bed. Every person who talked to me seemed to have bad news for me. Then a sad song on the radio tipped me over the edge, I cried sitting in my car in the parking lot. I put myself together and went in to work.

Work was rough and since I was already teetering on the edge I spent half my day fighting off crying. I failed more than a few times. It wasn’t that the work things were bad, I was just sitting right on the edge of a full blown panic attack. Every mountain became a mole hill.

I used more Xanax in one day than I have had to in months. When I’ve needed them one has sufficed, I took 4 of them on Wednesday. I probably needed more but I needed to function.

I went and taught Sentao for the first time in months and then when I left the studio everything went to shit. I cried from the time I got home until the time I went to bed. It was awful. I was certain nothing would ever be okay again.

My whole face was red and blotchy and raw from sobbing like a child for hours on end. I did finally manage to sleep, but I tossed and turned like a crazy woman.

Thursday was a way better day but I still needed a Xanax to calm my nerves.

This weekend I’ve been Xanax free but there may have been a good bit of beer consumed in its place. I’ve been, for lack of a better word, hiding. Me and my kitties and my couch. Reading books and playing puzzle games and watching all of the American Ninja Warrior.

What drives me even crazier than I normally am is not being able to logic out why this happened. Yes, there’s stress in my life but last week was no different than other week. Same annoyances, same work issues, same hectic schedule – but it finally broke me. Now, I’m fine… And I will be for a while… But when the dams break they break hard. I hate it. Hate.

I think if it hadn’t been for my workout schedule I think I would have lost it much earlier.

Monday – RIPPED, Zumba
Tuesday – Pound, Zumba
Wednesday – Zumba Sentao
Thursday – BodyFlow, House Party Fitness
Friday – Rest
Saturday – Zumba, PowerHour class demo
Sunday – Rest

My studio schedule changes quite a bit this coming month too! Adding Friday nights back in, changing up classes a bit and Thursday night BodyFlow is now a class Jackie has designed that adds 30 minutes of Insanity with 30 minutes of yoga flow. It is brutal… But I like how it challenges me. I’ll miss my Thursday night BodyFlow though! I also now teach every Wednesday which means I’ll probably wind up doing all three classes that night. We shall see!

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Workout Wrap Up

Since my last workout post I’ve been kicking things in to high gear – intentionally and unintentionally…

Saturday the 16th – RIPPED and House Party Fitness
Sunday the 17th – Zumba
Monday the 18th – rest day
Tuesday the 19th – RIPPED, Pound, Zumba
Wednesday the 20th – Zumba Toning
Thursday the 21st – Piloxing, BodyFlow, House Party Fitness
Friday the 22nd – rest day
Saturday the 23rd – RIPPED x 2.5 OUCH!
Sunday the 24th – Zumba, parts of the RIPPED DVD from training done at home, lots of foam rolling

Excited about weights and measurements on Wednesday! I am feeling so good. Tired and sore, but good.

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The time that I bawled because of a training…

And it was a good thing.

I’ve said it before, I always get anxious before a training. I’m going to be the fattest person in the room, everyone will judge me, I will fail (when there are tests involved). It’s always a fight to me. RIPPED training was especially scary. Written exam and a skills test. And RIPPED is no joke.

I’ve gained so much in the last three months as a RIPPED student. I went from wall push-ups to modified push-ups on the floor and holding forearm planks (today I did modified suicide planks too!!!). I’ve begun jumping again. I’ve gotten faster, lighter on my feet, and stronger over all… But would it be enough to pass the certification?

Turns out, it was. Today I did the fit camp master class at 8:00 and then the training master class at 10:00. Then I did the whole day, full out as much as I could and I tried new things. I got a 100% on the written exam. Then… We got ready for the afternoon, final master class. As we were doing the warmup, the trainer, Stephanie, said “you all passed!” And I cried.
The happiest tears I have cried in a very, very, very long time. I tried to hold it together but there were tears, but I kept doing the class. I cried during the cool down. When I got in to my car I blubbered like a damn baby.

I know, I should be more confident. I know I should have known everything would be okay.

I didn’t know it would be. I could have flubbed the written exam. I could have not met criteria because I can’t do a push-up in to a Brazilian kick. I could have failed because I don’t do a whole lot of jumping.

It was okay. It was awesome. It was amazing. I am joyful and proud and feel strong and powerful and successful. Everyone today was amazing. Awesome. Supportive. Friendly. Not once did I feel like the fat girl. Not once did I feel less than. It was just amazing. So much of that was because the trainer, Stephanie, is fucking amazing. She just is.

So now…
I am a certified R.I.P.P.E.D.® Coach and I can’t wait to see what changes I see and can help other people achieve!


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So today makes one year I have logged every piece of food that has passed my lips. Happy track-a-versary to me!


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