Outside of health and fitness my hobbies mostly include television, movies, books and theater.
But my guilty pleasure? Horror movies.
I love horror movies and thrillers and psychological dramas. Good movies are great but, honestly, the badder the better.
Bad acting? Yes, please. Bad special effects? Even better! Lame plot? Ohh, yes. Yes!!! All of the above? Ahhhhhhh! Win!
So now, every now and then, as I fall in to the hole that is Netflix I will be sharing my thoughts about these awful, terrible, no good, awesomely bad movies.
Have a favorite bad flick to share? I’m always looking for suggestions!
The Haunting of Helena – I picked this movie out because it was all “OooOoOo a spooky tooth fairy story.” That normally leads to quite a few laughs.
As the movie started I texted Matt going WTf because it’s a horror film about a bad tooth fairy but they’re talking about infectious diseases and and showing pics out of books about the Black Death. Color me confused.
The movie got going and there’s a little girl with a wiggly tooth and a mom who wins the distracted driving award for putting her SUV over a bridge playing with the GPS and then sees a ghost in the back seat during the accident. The little girl is very upset because she lost her tooth in the crash and the lady in the closet wants her teeth. Gross.
There were some good Eep! and Ack! moments in the movie but it tried to be too many things. There was the family drama – the bio dad wanted to take the daughter away from the mother because, well, the kid thought the lady in the closet was going to kill her. There was the haunted house story – the house mom and kid were living in was once the site of the horrific murder when a wife smiled at another man and her husband pulled out her teeth and left her in the closet to bleed to death. Then there was the everyone is mentally ill subplot because mom may have schizophrenia because her mom did and what if this is all just the little girl showing very early signs of that or some other mental illness. And the creepy neighbor upstairs? The old creepy dude? Superfluous.
There was a pretty cool twist at the end that I appreciated because, well, who doesn’t like a sharp left turn with 10 minutes of the movie left. And, actually, this twist was actually well done and made sense in the flow of the movie.
I was impressed that the movie was as good as it was considering how rough of a start it got off to but I actually enjoyed it. It was still a pretty bad movie though. The acting was bad, particularly the leads, and the special effects were lacking. It was also an Italian film and the parts where they needed to do subtitles (Italian newspapers and patient records) were tiny and I didn’t have my glasses on so I still don’t know what they said.
Movie that did the scary tooth fairy better: Darkness Falls.
Would You Rather – Worst. Dinner. Party. Ever. I fully admit I watched this because I saw it had Brittany Snow in it and I had to know if she’d gotten any better at being a scream queen since Prom Night.
Basic plot is her brother has cancer, no parents, she’s trying to help keep him in treatment and keep hem afloat financially. Her brothers doctor calls her to the office to discuss some ways to make the treatment more affordable but when she arrives it’s an offer to go to a dinner party to play in a game to be financially set for life. The doctor who knows this guy apparently won said game years ago. He has a giant scar on the side of his face. Questionable. All around. BUT she goes. And it goes about as well as you’d expect.
Usual cast of characters: Middle aged suspicious dude, kind old white lady, young punk rock chick, straight laced white guys 1, 2, and 3 and random guy of color.
They sit down to dinner and it’s steak and foie gras and Brittany Snow is all “I’m a vegetarian.” Big bad dude is all “You have a price.” 10 grand later, she eats the steak and foie gras. Well done life long vegetarian. When everything goes south and you’re shitting your brains out and/or puking you deserved it. Middle aged suspicious dude won’t drink the wine, he’s a recovering alcoholic, but for 50 grand chugs a decanter of whiskey! Also awesome. Everyone has a price and all these people are poor or in a bad situation and need things!
The game officially starts – Would you rather give yourself an electric shock or shock the person sitting next to you. The movie goes downhill from there. Each round getting more violent and disturbing. Everyone wants to protect Brittany Snow, because she’s a beautiful white chick and we can’t have her being hurt. Well, maybe punk chick will, but all the guys are PROTECT THE BLONDE!
It’s not a smart movie. It’s totally a dumb, turn your brain off and enjoy people being awful to each other and for each other.
The end of the movie? Total buzzkill. And Marshall called it. So kudos to him. Didn’t hate it and Brittany Snow gets two thumbs up! Vast improvement!